we must

calmdown1

as hard as it is, we must carry on.  slowly but surely, we must.  life is for living & i am sure our loved ones would want us to move on.

the grief & shock are still fresh, but we are hoping– no, counting on!— that time will loosen the pain that grips our hearts. 

the folks at the preschool have been so very kind & understanding.  i plan on returning back to work tomorrow. it has been a relief to not have to worry about work.  i am grateful to them.  i don’t know how i will be tomorrow  but i will just play it by ear.  the tears come without notice, you know?  hopefully working with my preschool students will be enough of a healthy distraction.

then my parents & their overseas visitors will be coming up tomorrow.  i have cleaned & tidied up as best as i could.  don’t know how much of a hostess i will be when they get here.  mom says not to worry.  i just do not feel like my self these days.  neither does my husband, poor dear!  it just tears me up to see my dh so utterly beside himself with grief.

i nearly forgot that my welding class starts tonight. i’m going to play it by ear today on whether or not i will actually go.  since i already paid for the class, i’ll likely go.  but i don’t know how attentive i’ll be.  we’ll see…

it’s hard to get excited about things when i am feeling as numb as i do.  i signed up a while back for this wonderful workshop with misty mawn at valley ridge art studio for this coming weekend.  i am still planning to go through with it, though, again, i don’t know how attentive i will be… i am also worried about leaving my dh alone for the whole weekend.  maybe if he is up to it, he can come with me?  idk, i’ll be such a wreck, i think, if he is having a time of it & i’m not there…

like i said before, it’s going to be a slow heal. & will need to take it one step at a time.

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2 Responses

  1. Maryanne as you say one step at a time.
    Take care and just do what you can cope with. My thoughts are also with your dh.
    Alison

  2. One step at a time is right and don’t be afraid to excuse yourself in the middle of something if the emotions take over. I still have a time when something reminds me of my Mom.
    Mahala

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