“the show must go on”

  when i wrote yesterday’s post, i was venting my pain, anguish & darkest fear.  reading your comments has helped TREMENDOUSLY. i cannot even begin to tell you how much we appreciated each & every one of your kind & loving words.  joe & i REALLY needed to hear them because it’s been sheer HELL. 

we are HURTING like a mo*@erfu*#er.  the pain we are experiencing cuts deeply to our CORE. 

i still cannot stop the random outburst of tears.  i still cannot stop reliving the scene in my head when the vet put her down.  i still cannot sleep because all i SEE in my head is the vet putting her to sleep.  i am (we are) stricken with such INCREDIBLE grief.    

i am a MESS…but joe keeps reminding me that we did the right & humane thing for her… & us.  bailey knew how much we loved her & she, us even until the end & we should take HUGE comfort in that.  we need to CELEBRATE her life.   our grief will loosen its grip over time. our memories of her will continue to live on.  her spirit will be forever with us. 

he is right.  we were the BEST g-d “parents” a cat like her could ever dream to have.  she DID have a WONDERFUL LIFE>>>even in her last breath. she was contentedly purring as we held her in the end.  her passing has humbled us.  she has taught us to appreciate life, to love unconditionally, & to be grateful for what you have.    even she knew “the secret”.

bailey-001a.jpg

we have to let our hurt, pain, grief all out.  i have taken time off from school this week to heal.  my students deserve someone who is 100% there for them (which obviously at this time i certainly am not).

 tomorrow is the day of our virtual tea party.  i have not forgotten.  of late, it has been on the backburner.  but i feel it responsible, even necessary, to CARRY ON.  to CELEBRATE LIFE. Bailey’s LIFE.  

she wouldn’t have it any other way.  she was always one for parties.  so bailey, my sweetheart,  the show will go on.  

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3 Responses

  1. I know exactly how you feel. Two years ago I had to put my buddy “Trouble”, a grey tabby to sleep for exactly the same reasons. I didnt think I’d ever stop crying and it did take a while. But slowly I came to the realization and so will you, that this was the best thing you could have done. Your kitty had a great life and she continues to have a great life on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge. I say we dont choose pets, they choose us and there is a reason she was in your life.

    I know I’m just a stranger out here in blog land but I thought this may help you along. Our pet’s spirits will always be with us.

  2. I love the photo of Bailey with the bows!!

    I put a little package in the mail to you today. I know I can’t really help, but I want you to know that you are in my thoughs. Losing a pet is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever been through! You do have to go on, but allow yourself to grieve too. I still cry for my Bear cat every now and then. Something catches me that reminds me of him… it’s been several years since I had to euthanize him!

    Take good care of you and your hubby! Sweet Bailey would want that for you!

  3. Sending love to you both my darlings in your grief and sadness, hugs Judy x

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